The Last Bus

Standing barefoot.
Barren, huge crossroad.
They say it stops here,
the bus you are on.

Clutching, the doll you gave me
on my birthday the year before.
I try not to stain it –
for my hands are
bleeding from the sores.
knees skinned to the bones shake a little
cruel, lonely it was –
the road from home.

Biting my lips, to stall the pain
burying my face in the doll –
there is still that smell of you
the fragrance of safety,
the mirage of childhood.
Inhaling,
just a bit.
Too greedy to save it all.

It starts to rain
and I feel so cold.
Proud, defying – waiting.
I stand my ground
not for victory but to
hide my shame.
The tears
drown me a bit more.
There is nothing left,
even my shadow is impure.

Its getting darker
the birds are all gone.
I watch other kids, just like me but –
jumping all the way to their homes.
Some stand and stare at my rags
laughing at my doll.
Mock my dirty feet -
but my eyes, they all ignore

And then I am left alone,
at the crossroads
just like the evening before.
I am scared now–
wont you come back for me?
the last bus from heaven,
doesn’t stop here anymore?

© 2008 by Chhaya. All rights reserved
PS: the image is googled

I wrote this poem more than a year back. I didn’t have enough readers back then so I am re-posting it.

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Sisters

She watches the little one,
looking out of the window.
The worn out doll,
clutched tight.
Too young to understand, yet
deep within, does she know?

Her heart aches more than her arms,
cradling the kid all night long.
Having to grow up in a moment,
her own childhood gone.
The tears remain unshed,
for ever and more.

"Can you call mommy again?
She should be home by now."
Innocent eyes look up to her.
Trusting the world’s
convenient lies.

She tries to hold her close
and whisper the truth,
as it should be told.
"She won’t answer the phone, little one.
Mom is not coming home anymore"

© Chhaya


image by William Adolphe Bouguereau (Two Sisters)

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the Month of the Departed

Yes, I have always had this habit of vanishing without a warning. I am like this even in my offline life. Sticking to one thing and one place has always been a struggle for me. Strings scare me. Visible or otherwise.

Still, if you wanna know why I have been inactive for almost a month, then here are a few reasons I can think of –

First of all, work pressure was simply mind-numbing. I was trying hard to find that 1441st minute in the day. Never could.

And then I fell sick. I mean, really sick. (why does the word –sick, always sound like a dirty word to me?) Fever, cold, cough, breathing troubles and an insane headache that simply refused to go away. Had a Swine Flu scare too, but thankfully I didn’t have H1N1 infection. It was perhaps just the simple Flu trying to tell me that it can be as painful as the Pig version!

But the most disturbing thing that happened was that one of my Grandparents passed away. I know, Death is inevitable. I have no beef with the Grim Reaper. We have made our peace a long time back.

December is the month when he likes to visit. Plucking away a few people from my life.

I have lost too many to this Month. People who mean something to me. Sometimes more than something. Its the Month of the Departed for me....

A friend asked if we were close. I found myself at loss for words. How close is considered to be close? If you go by the society’s parameters then I don’t think I am close to anyone in my life. There is just 1 exception to that. If you know me then you know who that person is.

I am still to shed a tear. Don’t think I am going to. (I can sense one of my regular readers shaking his head and saying – u gotta cry girl). The reason is – I had sensed it coming. I knew I was going to lose that person. I had even talked about it with one of you. And this is the part that disturbs me the most. Every time I am about to lose someone, or every time something terrible is going to happen to me, I always sense it a few days in advance. I don’t know how it happens. Perhaps it happens to everyone.

I never try to stop it from happening or think about it like they show in the movies. It’s disturbing.

There is more to write, but I am saving it for the next post. Gotta have something to share :)

Love
Chhaya

The image is Googled

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