Haiku Efforts - 2

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Averted eyes
don’t tell what
I feel for you

you reach out
three words of love
A moment too late

She scares to touch
glass walls around
Childhood snatched

Fragile envelope
too precious to be torn
Stays unopened

PS: they are just efforts, not technically haiku

© 2008 by Chhaya. All rights reserved
PS: the image is googled


smoothoperator February 16, 2008 at 9:01 PM  

It's very nice, smooth and expressing poetry. You rich haiku with very interesting kind of feelings coming from your soul ...
Keep on writing

Opaque July 9, 2009 at 4:00 AM  

Well, precisely, Haiku requires a seasonal word, a cutting word and a 5-7-5 syllable count progression in three lines.

Now, I've read some without seasonal words. Probably, this is a modern approach.

So, precisely, you need to work on the syllable count now -> 5-7-5


Very very deep lines here served in utmost simplicity! Well done! As I wrote above, simply work on the syllable count and you shall be fine Chhaya! Good luck!

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