Indemnity
Friday, December 18, 2009
Sam’s colleagues were leaving.
Lisa nodded, wrapped in the mourning blacks. The house was still filled with concerned neighbours and friends. They had just returned from the cemetery after burying him.
Her husband.
The only man she had ever fallen in love with. They were married for 18 years...
He was dead.
Brutally murdered.
"Tsk tsk... I feel so bad for her. Such bad luck she has. First her elder daughter committed suicide and now her husband is dead. The robber could have just taken the money and valuables. Why did he have to kill him? " Old Mr. T said with tears in his eyes.
"Yeah! I heard! Some people say she was pregnant when she set herself on fire. In their own backyard! Is it true? "
"Yes. She was just 15!" Someone added.
"At least Lisa still has Mia, her younger daughter." Mr. T was rubbing his eyebrows.
Lisa walked into the living room.
"Shhhhh! She can hear you!" Mrs. T snapped.
She did hear. And she thought about her dead daughter. Her own flesh and blood. Her first born.
Two years had gone by, but she could still hear her screams.
They had never found even a suicide note.
But she didn’t need one now.
Everything had fallen into place two nights back, when she saw ...
She entered Mia’s room. Her 5 year old daughter was still sleeping. Heavily sedated. She had not spoken a word since..
Lisa’s eyes wandered towards the photograph clutched in Mia’s tiny arms. It was the last picture she had taken of her two daughters.
Very gently, she pried it out. It felt warm. Just like the blood on the knife when she had dropped it in the gutter before calling the police.
"He will never be able to do it to Mia. I promise you. It’s over." She whispered, more to herself than to the innocent smile, captured in the picture.
And then she cried... like she had never cried before.
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© 2009 by Chhaya. All rights reserved
PS: the image is googled.
56 comments:
omg!! it gave me the creeps !!
oh wow. that was chilling...shivers...
It started off very well. I was looking for a clue to understand where the story is going and realized only after reading the last line that story came to an end.
Very beautifully written and what i liked about the story is you didn't give a chance for the reader to divert him/herself to think about the plot. :)
First time here :) liked it being here. Do visit mine sometime. hope u wud like mine too :)
Cheers
Mahesh
One could have never guessed at the beginning that the story would come to this....
So sad..Yet the sad truth for so many suffering in silence...
Very well told as always.
Telling a lot, but not giving anything at all. Nice strategy in narration.
Well done, artist!
Hey Chhaya, it's always good to read stories, and this one blew me away completely. Great work. Write more. :)
Chhaya,
Very nicely written indeed.
Atlast she cried... like she had never cried before!!!
But why now? For such a guy? May be thinking of her elder one or her grim future.
I fail to understand how can a woman not know what her husband is like for eighteen long years. Or is it the quality of women to always side their husbands no matter what heinous crime he has committed?
I am reminded of recent cases of Kishore Chavan and Francis Gomes
in Mumbai and not so recent case of Joseph Fritzl in Austria. Many a times one is shocked to hear complicity of mother or other family members in such heinous crimes.
The Yayati and Amrutwel written by Vishnu Sakharam Khandekar are great classic tales of lust one must read.
@Vicious : the story was supposed to be that way :)
@Brian : Hope the suspense was alive till the end
@Mahesh : that was deliberate. I didn’t wanna go in too many details. Subtlety was the key for me here. I am glad the end came as a surprise, cz that was the whole thing. it was supposed to hit hard. I will surely visit you very soon.
@Ashley : if the stats are to be believed then every this child is abused. and it almost always comes from someone they are supposed to trust. No relationship is left sacred in this world.
@Brosreview : thanks Ajey :)
@Karthik: i had never written anything like this, not in the form of a story. i m glad it connected :)
@Raj : you raise a very valid Q. Why did she cry? I didn’t think even once before writing that last line. it just flowed out. and I think the reason was, a woman in her place would be totally shattered. To realize that she had failed to protect her kids would be too big a pain. I am a girl, and if I ever have kids, I know I will kill to protect them. kill anyone.
and then the sense of betrayal. She was betrayed by the man she loved. and Women tend to find a protector in their men. there are very few exceptions to that rule. The betrayal would be too much.
now to the Qs, how could she not know. The power of denial is stronger than we can ever imagine. She might have known in her subconscious, but to actually blv it would have been too big a task.
I can keep writing about it...
Spine chilling but made compulsive reading. well done.
Yvonne.
Hi Chhaya,
Yes, I would like you to write more and more.
Thanxs once again.
The title too is very apt.
subtle ending....nicely captured da essense....i likes!!
A change, bit unChhayaish I may suggest. Such creepy ones are not her forte, but then this one was well devised.
It could have been conceived smaller in length ... just that shock and nothing else. But then, you love to deal with minds, don't you?
Good change ... I liked it. :)
@Raj : thank u :)
@buckngfastard : thank u :)
@idlemind : just the shock and nothing else? the story wud be dead
Beautiful, short and extremely effective.
This really shows your versatility Chhaya. Curiously macabre and, naturally, crying is good :)
Pete
Chhaya,
There is no stopping you writing beautifully in whichever format you choose. For me, I go in search of my format, but for you the formats come in search of you asking, "I would be honoured if you write me". :-)
There are lot of questions unanswered like quite a few have been raised, but those are not relevant. The impact would have been lost if you had added them. So 'crisp' is the way to be here.
The best I like about this short-short is that there is no 'tell'. It is all 'show'. Discerning is the only way to understand the subtle hints.
You raise a very disturbing aspect of human beings. A very devilish, perverted and extremely sick aspect. The story is nicely crafted that it drives the point strongly, hits the reader so hard that a few ignorant can really awaken.
A wonderful and successful attempt.
hair-raising... poignant and it almost shuddered my bones .... beautifully described...crisp....with a punch and a twist in the last line ... just brilliant!!!
@Rachna : i deliberately kept it short. So glad u liked it :)
@Pete : thank u :) .. this is indeed very different from what i usually write. a slightly different style too. I have touched this topic in 3-4 of my poems, but this was the first try with a story.
and smiles@You gotta cry :).. u know why
@Vittal : ahhh... you are too kind :)
and i know u notice the unanswered Qs.. a short story shud ask some.. isnt it?
so glad u liked it :)
btw, when are we gonna read about Trashy?
@Anorak : thank u so much :)
I had no idea where you were heading till I reached the last few lines. I know you are talking about reality. But I wonder if we should write about such horrifying baseness without producing a compensation in the form of love, innocence and beauty. To me, creative writing is all about beauty. It's about discovering unexpected beauty, rather than unveiling darkness.
I noted that you are reading Karamazov now. The novel deals with grim reality. Yet, all the grimness has a purpose. The purpose is to bring out the true nature of purity and innocence by contrasting what the world "should be" against what it has "turned into".
I have no doubt that Alyosha is Dostoevsky's hero. He keeps appearing again and again. In The Idiot, in Crime and Punishment, in The Insulted and the Humiliated and even in his shorter works.
I am not critical, but I am missing what I run after all the time. I don't succeed much either. Perhaps I am blind and lost.
Deep-da
HI CHHAYA AND ALL READERS!!!
WISH YOU ALL A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A VERY HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR 2010 !!!
@Yvonne - thank u :)
@Raj - thank u and same to you :)
@Deep da : Dostoevsky was and remains my favourite author of all time. I was 12-13 years old when I first read The Idiot and it has left a big impression on me. I am actually re-reading most of his work.
About my short story here. I have actually tries to portray the strength of a mother, when it comes to protecting her kids, that’s why the title. I have deliberately stayed away from mentioning if she is financially capable or if she has a family to depend on. I wanted to say that a mother would do anything to protect her kids. The younger daughter is my hope in this story. She might be able to get over the trauma..
You know that your opinion about my work matters absolutely the most to me. I feel sad that I disappointed you, but the other story that was in my mind was even darker and more tragic.. I don’t know if I should go ahead with it...
Hi Chhaya,
I am wondering why everyone is saying you have changed your format or style!
Well, I for one do not find this story any different than your other works.
Like I said before, you are the same old melonchaly Chhaya shadowing my dreams!!!
I am sure, you have made note of the two novels I mentioned above. "Amrutwel" deals with a male child. You must atleast read the reviews of these novels.
@Raj : this is indeed bit different from what i write, in the sense that i had never touched this subject in a story...
About the books you mentioned, i will surely read those. i forgot to thank u for suggesting.
btw, i am going to start another blog soon, one for my views @ movies i watch and books i read. hope u will be interested in reading :)
sharp and crisp as always
@US: thank u. but i didnt know i wrote crisp all the time. i think i have always been a detail oriented writer..
That was creepy and chilling, Chhaya. Never expected such an ending! you wrote it so well with all the suspense ingredients.
El- maginifico!
spine- chilling stuff. beautifully written.
to be honest... i don't like reading abt sickos. i prefer other stuff. but i can't deny that this was definitely worth reading... read it thrice already! :)
@Vidya : thank u :)
@Ajai : sickos are a reality we cant ignore...
thank u for liking the story :)
that's a tale..!! very crisp, very strong.
loved the way you gave speech to every mind.
sry for being so late at your space..
@abanerji - hey, its alright :)
and thank u for the compliment
Chhaya, nice to meet you on my blog, thanks for visiting...yes, that's the Mayapur :)
@Braja : its a beautiful place :)
thankx for dropping by
Thanks for your visit and kind and lovely comment.I was surprised to know my poem was similar to an Anton Chekov story as I have never read his works.
I hope you have a lovely Christmas and a peaceful new year.
Yvonne.
The blog is looking beautiful. One suggestion - the live traffic feed is looking out of place, you may do away with it, unless it is very useful to you.
hey Chhaya, im new to your blog, this write up is very nice! have a Merry Christmas dear
love Naqvee
faheimgul.blogspot.com
@Yvonne - I compared your poem to Chekovs power. it had touched my heart as much as his writings do... :)
@Raj - i m still working on the template. Weekends are more for the worldly duties.. hence its on the backburner for a couple of days.
@Naqvee : thanks for dropping by. i will check your blog very soon :)
and merry christmas to you too!
Golden hued murals of Padmapani carved on Shanti Stupa are simply breathtaking.
Kindly visit my spot to help promote my friend's DJ'd compositions.
@RAJ : yes, its indeed the Shanti Stupa.
i have been missing Ladakh like crazy since last couple of weeks. might go once again, next year
@Ajey - sure!
i hope you have a great new year!
Well written Chhaaya..
These incidents are very common these days. Most of the mothers and daughters suffer in silence.
too dark.....why do you look for the fringe elements in the society?
@LVS: why shudnt i? is there a reason? moreover, these issues are under the carpet and not at the fringe. 60-75% of girl children are sexually abused. thats some statistics. u cant call it a fringe problem. its very much mainstream
Hmm... really told so much in so little words... amazing... thats gr8 storytelling
@Tanushree : u are right. the statistics show that more than half of girls get abused in childhood. boys are not spared much either.
we prefer to turn our eyes away, but most families have such stories..
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