the Month of the Departed

Monday, December 7, 2009


Yes, I have always had this habit of vanishing without a warning. I am like this even in my offline life. Sticking to one thing and one place has always been a struggle for me. Strings scare me. Visible or otherwise.


Still, if you wanna know why I have been inactive for almost a month, then here are a few reasons I can think of –


First of all, work pressure was simply mind-numbing. I was trying hard to find that 1441st minute in the day. Never could.


And then I fell sick. I mean, really sick. (why does the word –sick, always sound like a dirty word to me?) Fever, cold, cough, breathing troubles and an insane headache that simply refused to go away. Had a Swine Flu scare too, but thankfully I didn’t have H1N1 infection. It was perhaps just the simple Flu trying to tell me that it can be as painful as the Pig version!


But the most disturbing thing that happened was that one of my Grandparents passed away. I know, Death is inevitable. I have no beef with the Grim Reaper. We have made our peace a long time back.
December is the month when he likes to visit. Plucking away a few people from my life.

I have lost too many to this Month. People who mean something to me. Sometimes more than something. Its the Month of the Departed for me....

A friend asked if we were close. I found myself at loss for words. How close is considered to be close? If you go by the society’s parameters then I don’t think I am close to anyone in my life. There is just 1 exception to that. If you know me then you know who that person is.


I am still to shed a tear. Don’t think I am going to. (I can sense one of my regular readers shaking his head and saying – u gotta cry girl). The reason is – I had sensed it coming. I knew I was going to lose that person. I had even talked about it with one of you. And this is the part that disturbs me the most. Every time I am about to lose someone, or every time something terrible is going to happen to me, I always sense it a few days in advance. I don’t know how it happens. Perhaps it happens to everyone.

I never try to stop it from happening or think about it like they show in the movies. It’s disturbing.


There is more to write, but I am saving it for the next post. Gotta have something to share :)


Love
Chhaya



The image is Googled

22 comments:

Uncommon Sense December 7, 2009 at 10:53 AM  

End of the year is kinda right time to say tata

IdleMind December 7, 2009 at 11:46 AM  

Poignant ... but then I know you won't cry. You got that 'brave' thing stamped on you.

But if you sense a loss, there's nothing shocking to lose then. Goodbyes are more poetic than welcomes, big girl! cheers!!

buckingfastard December 7, 2009 at 2:28 PM  

yea december is a sad month...xcept fr its last 5 days....

the whole month is da drag of accumulated failures of da year...or maybe its just da cold dry winter...

nevertheless a new january awaits!!!

Vittaldas Prabhu December 7, 2009 at 3:16 PM  

Curiosity. Oh dear! Does it matter if the person was close or not close. The very fact that you mentioned it to someone is proof enough to tell that person meant something to you. My condolences are with you.

However, to tell you a fact - I want to see a "real" post from you. It's been ages. I do understand your priorities but still you know it is the celebrity-fan thing. :-)

Chhaya December 7, 2009 at 3:53 PM  

@US : interesting.

@idle : You have known me for almost 4 years now... not much is hidden from u. including my equation with tears.

Chhaya December 7, 2009 at 4:03 PM  

@Vittal : yes. the person was indeed important. Your grandparents always are. they symbolize the time of our innocence and laughter..

a part of us dies with them

btw, a poem in next post. i knw that is what u have asked for :)

Chhaya December 7, 2009 at 4:06 PM  

@buckingfastard : Yes. you are right. end of the year is always a time of morose feelings.

BTW, i hate those last 5 days. Festivities depress me :P

IdleMind December 7, 2009 at 5:15 PM  

@ Chhaya - :) ... thanks, but I'm still a novice in terms of reading minds!

My condolences remain for the departed soul.

RAJ47,  December 7, 2009 at 7:27 PM  

“Don't be dismayed at goodbyes, a farewell is necessary before you can meet again and meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.”

This is for the departed. God bless their soul and give you strength to bear the loss.

“A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.”

That's for your friend who wants to know if you are close.

The five souls are really mesmerising. The more you look at them, the deeper they astound you.

Is this your first tryst with The Bhagwat Gita?

Whenever I look at your blog I see the vicissitudes of life. Thats what I like about you.

Thanks.

Karthik December 7, 2009 at 7:49 PM  

Hey that was sad. So sorry to know. And I know it takes some sort of courage in heart to write it down.

Anonymous,  December 7, 2009 at 9:18 PM  

It hurts a little less...if you're not to close.

But then it hurts cos you wish you were closer.

vidya December 8, 2009 at 12:27 AM  

oh! i read this post after reading your poem..my condolences, Chhaya.

Chhaya December 8, 2009 at 8:47 AM  

@idle, Karthik : Thank u :)

Chhaya December 8, 2009 at 8:49 AM  

@RAJ47 : I still dont have the URL to ur blog :(

btw, that friend was actually asking if i was close to the Grandparent who died. And not if i was close to him (the friend) :)

I like your take on Soulmates. i had touched the topic in the two part series (still to write further) . Theya re iled under - An evening in Delhi. Do take a look if you hvnt read it yet.

Chhaya December 8, 2009 at 8:50 AM  

@Anonymous : Ouch! That hurt. But only because its true. :)

Chhaya December 8, 2009 at 8:50 AM  

@Vidya : The Poem does not have any connection to this post, so no problem. :)

Pete December 8, 2009 at 4:08 PM  

Hi Chhaya

u gotta cry girl :)

I know - I'm so predictable.

I hope things will be much better for u this month n All year.

Pete

Chhaya December 8, 2009 at 4:40 PM  

@Pete : i am working on it. thanx for the wishes!

Oxymoron December 9, 2009 at 10:41 PM  

hey.....
u won't believe but i lost my grandmother a couple of weeks ago....she had been sick for months so it was not much of a surprise......actually i was happy for her she was really old and watching her suffer all these months was just painful...

Brosreview December 11, 2009 at 4:42 PM  

To simply put it, welcome back!

RAJ47,  December 16, 2009 at 5:22 AM  

That was Richard Bach I quoted above.

Chhaya December 16, 2009 at 10:09 AM  

@Oxymoron : My condolences...

@Brosreview : Thank u :)

@Raj : oh. ok

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