Wednesday, November 4, 2009
People do strange things when they are away from home. She was no exception. The girl hated sugar or milk with her coffee, but there she was, in a strange country, sitting with her feet tucked in, trying hard to keep warm with a steaming mug held in her hands.
She had roamed around the tiny kitchen, preparing it. Milk and sugar. Her mind, wandering. As usual.
Coffee... not the way she liked it.
Coffee... just the way she wanted it. Right at that moment.
Her eyes watering. Not with tears. She never cries. It was just the freezing wind. She was sitting in the open balcony. Fighting the cold. Refusing to get inside. Just another of her testing-my-will-power things. She wasn’t even aware of the fact that she was being stubborn.. it was a second nature. It was what kept her going. Yes. She is insane. Just kind of.
She takes the first sip... as if giving into some strange and exotic temptation. Hey eyes remain focused on something just above the horizon. It’s nothing.
A sigh. Inaudible. She forgot the sugar. Years and years of sugarless coffees can do that to you. Even when you wanna add some sweetness, you go for the bitterness.
Is it hardwired in our souls, running away from temptations? Anything and everything that feels nice? No?
What’s the biggest fear? Not finding something you were looking for... or finding it and then lose it. We have had generations brought up to the thought that the one who resists the temptation is a saint.
The one, who doesn’t give in, is the strongest.
Is it so?
Is she the strongest? Not giving in. Never giving in.
Don’t you think that the strongest person is the one who dares to trust? The one who gives in, tries to live the life to the fullest.. instead of building a fort around, keeping the elements away. Good or otherwise.
She thinks about getting up. She wants it. Her feet refuse to move.
Too much of effort for a bloody spoonful of sugar.
I don’t exactly need it.
Too many years spent on separating the needs from wishes.
Who makes the segregation? What is so different between the needs and wishes?
Her mind wanders again. The familiarity of the bitter coffee is reassuring. The thoughts of sweetness start to fade. She is content.
How many dreams have you given up on? How many chances have you let go? Of a life you wished for. Of a person you dreamt of.
How many perfect ending have you ran away from?
Settling for the second best. Settling for something that you never wanted... never wished for.
The perfection is elusive. Yes. It’s always a comforting thought, to know that it wasn’t the perfect one that failed you.
It’s easy to blame the second best.
It’s easy to settle for something less than your dreams. You get someone to blame.
There isn’t much coffee left in the mug now. She looks away from the horizon, down at her hands. The fingertips are all pink. It’s the cold. Too cold.
She takes another sip.
And the realization dawns ...
the sugar, now half melted, sits at bottom.
The sugar that she wished for.
The sugar that was always there.
The coffee is way too sweet now... She puts it away...
A sly grin dances on her lips....