Monday, June 29, 2009
New Delhi, evening of a random day in the month of August, a few years back
What gets you through a day? Work? Or the wait for the moment when you will be let off to go home to someone who would be waiting for you? Or someone you would wait for.
Have you ever waited for the work hours to be over just so that you can enjoy the time it takes you to reach the place you sleep at?
I must leave. Those crowded buses seem to be the place to find the perfect solitude. I look out of the glass window. The sky is getting dark. It’s not my usual time to leave… but what the heck…
The same road looks unfamiliar in the twilight. As unfamiliar as this city, even after years. The tiny cell-phone sits snugly in my back pocket.
Have you ever wondered how easy it is to talk to someone if you want to? But what do you do when all you want to share is the silence? Have you ever waited for someone to call so that you don’t look like someone who is ‘desperate’? Is it the Ego that stops you?
Or is it self-defence?
Have you ever longed to be with someone in this twilight – the time when the boundaries of the harsh day and the tranquil night are blurred? Have you ever felt your heart bursting with the desire to be with the one… just walking together on the pavement… sitting together – without having to talk?
To hold.. to be held… to hear the heartbeats …. to be able to feel?
Have you ever met someone like that? Does it hurt when you realize that they never belonged to you?
Do lies hurt you too?
Why do they hurt so bad?
Is it the shame of being a fool? Or is it the fact that you fell for your own fantasies?
Do we only see what we want to see?
Does it hurt when someone loves you so madly that they are ready to lie.. to keep you close…. but not enough to trust you with the truth?
What do you do when you stumble upon it? Do you confront? Or do you feel too scared… scared of breaking the bond that has become your life?
Do you live those lies? Do you pretend that nothing has changed? Do you start feeling guilty that you found what was supposed to be hidden forever?
Why is "Soulmate" a word with a red worm underneath it? Yeah, I am still thinking about it... it’s not even a word!!!! I feel like laughing till I get tears in my eyes.
If only I could get tears in my eyes.
Life and Love are the Four Letter Words .. created by God himself..
Walking to the bus stop was like a therapy.. but why do I wish that the guy was here? Yes, the same guy who takes the bus with me in the morning, well... he doesn’t return with me.
I feel so tired.. Maybe I will just sit on the steel bench.. I love them... Steel – my favourite. More dear than gold! Hah.. Stainless steel… do you know why it’s called stainless? Well, some other day.. just know that it’s “stain less” and not “stain proof” … I smile to myself.
Did I just feel a breeze on my face? Yes I did. It’s getting stronger. Clouds!
Ahhhh. Let me just untie my hair… let me ‘feel the wind in my hair’ as they say it. Let it fall on my face.
what a used to death cliché!
No, I won’t try to tuck it behind my ears like I always do. Most people compliment me for my long hair.. then why do I try to hide it? Why do I keep it tied up? What am I scared of?
The bus is here….
Should I catch it?
Let it go… another one will come.. let me just sit here…
Have you ever been lost, looking at something that does not exist. just sitting somewhere, your eyes unfocused, your mind in a trance..? Thinking about something that never was… something make-believe …
Lies… all lies….
I feel someone’s presence before I turn my head to find that he is sitting right next to me. His face is still disturbed but he manages to give me a smile.
This is the first time that I notice that he smells great.
And this is the first time that I smile back…
© 2009 by Chhaya. All rights reserved
PS: the image is googled