The Last Bus

Standing barefoot.
Barren, huge crossroad.
They say it stops here,
the bus you are on.

Clutching, the doll you gave me
on my birthday the year before.
I try not to stain it –
for my hands are
bleeding from the sores.
knees skinned to the bones shake a little
cruel, lonely it was –
the road from home.

Biting my lips, to stall the pain
burying my face in the doll –
there is still that smell of you
the fragrance of safety,
the mirage of childhood.
Inhaling,
just a bit.
Too greedy to save it all.

It starts to rain
and I feel so cold.
Proud, defying – waiting.
I stand my ground
not for victory but to
hide my shame.
The tears
drown me a bit more.
There is nothing left,
even my shadow is impure.

Its getting darker
the birds are all gone.
I watch other kids, just like me but –
jumping all the way to their homes.
Some stand and stare at my rags
laughing at my doll.
Mock my dirty feet -
but my eyes, they all ignore

And then I am left alone,
at the crossroads
just like the evening before.
I am scared now–
wont you come back for me?
the last bus from heaven,
doesn’t stop here anymore?

© 2008 by Chhaya. All rights reserved
PS: the image is googled

I wrote this poem more than a year back. I didn’t have enough readers back then so I am re-posting it.

Read more...

Take My Breath Away

Okay.. so my last poem was a dud ... agreed. The story behind it is – someone reminded me of the fact that I was only writing about three topics..... so, I tried writing about the things I don’t exactly feel.. hence the disaster.

Psst Psst...what I am trying to say is – Blame Him! Not Me!

Atonement was close to my heart but The Glass Window was a faked pain. I guess that is even worse than faked pleasure.

Life or my lifestyle has never stopped me from getting soaked in the rain or getting my feet dirty. Playing with kids or sing along a corny Bryan Adams song like ‘Let’s make a night to remember’ ... I actually do every mad thing that comes in my mind. That includes talking to my pet fish and going out for ice-cream at midnight. (I guess it explains my insanely accident prone nature, but more about that later)

Anyways.. so, a few days back, I was in my ‘cocoon’ mood. You know, the days when you just don’t wanna talk to nobody (pardon my double-negative.. sometimes wrong things make the most sense). It hadn’t rained for more than a week. The evening was slightly lost in the heat of the day.

Was home alone so I did what I do when such an evening arrives. Made a big mug of coffee and then sat by the window. My building is in this huge residential complex with gardens and pools. There is a playground right in front and I could watch the kids playing. Everyone had a hankie tied to his face, what with the swine flu scare.

The coffee was awesome.. first two teaspoons of the newly opened Coffee jar without milk or sugar to corrupt it. Just pure tantalizing smell of individuality. Have you ever wondered how the Ad agencies target families with tea and individuals with coffee??
Hmmm.. heck.. I think too much..

So what happened was – the rain came lashing down on the parched earth and the air was completely fragrant with the smell of first rain.. second time in one Monsoon .. whoa!! .... My heart went - 'thud' and I was thrown back into my childhood.

Good smell has always been the biggest turn on for me after thunders and storms. May be it is because we tag those forgotten memories with them. I cant smell Old Spice aftershave without my mind going to my Dad.. Freshly made Roti (Indian bread) never fails to remind me of Mom.. Smell of coffee and new book go together reminding me of every moment alone...

Funny, the way smells instantly bring back memories.. some pleasant, some unpleasant.. some that you don’t even wanna acknowledge


Love
Chhaya

PS: the image is obviously googled

Read more...

Scream

Why can’t you see?
The wreck, that’s me
Waiting forever
For your love
Something surreal
That’s never to be

It hurts so bad
The pain that’s me
And I am tired
of false smiles
In front of you
Only thing that you can see

I wanna succumb to
The storm that’s me
And don’t even wish
to fix this pain
Soiled dreams
Broken myths

And I will burn it
Your shadow that‘s me
back to the truth
The harsh reality
Nothing is forever
Not even you and me

© 2009 by Chhaya. All rights reserved
PS: the image is googled

Read more...

Cinderella

I feel the rhythm,
or is it your heart beating
sweet touch of an angel
gentle waltz of your breaths on my skin
its the breeze that made me shiver
or was it the fear in my heart?
I close my eyes, lean on you
wait for you to pull me close
wait for the warmth of your arms

bloody battles, I fought for you
let my armour drop
under the silver moon,
there is nothing to hide me – to protect
the clock strikes midnight, and I feel you
pushing me away, ever so gently
I fight. harder this time –
for I am fighting you – for you

“Its time for you to go” you said
and the dream is ripped at the seam
still, I want you to see
before the cold freezes me
I was never meant to be safe
my soul was your twin flame -
the peace was never for me
you are my unfinished sonnet

waiting forever
knocking at the door you closed
never leaving – fearing your pain,
if you ever,
decide to return
but my heart is dying now
and my soul is lost
in the sea of oblivion

Now that I am fading away
my heart, still yearns for you
I had in your arms-
Life, Death and the Judgment Day
its the final midnight
the darkness pulls me
the glass slipper doesnt fit anymore, my love
this Cinderella was never meant to be

------
© 2008 by Chhaya. All rights reserved
PS: the image is googled

Read more...