Cinderella
Friday, December 26, 2008
I feel the rhythm,
or is it your heart beating
sweet touch of an angel
gentle waltz of your breaths on my skin
its the breeze that made me shiver
or was it the fear in my heart?
I close my eyes, lean on you
wait for you to pull me close
wait for the warmth of your arms
bloody battles, I fought for you
let my armour drop
under the silver moon,
there is nothing to hide me – to protect
the clock strikes midnight, and I feel you
pushing me away, ever so gently
I fight. harder this time –
for I am fighting you – for you
“Its time for you to go” you said
and the dream is ripped at the seam
still, I want you to see
before the cold freezes me
I was never meant to be safe
my soul was your twin flame -
the peace was never for me
you are my unfinished sonnet
waiting forever
knocking at the door you closed
never leaving – fearing your pain,
if you ever,
decide to return
but my heart is dying now
and my soul is lost
in the sea of oblivion
Now that I am fading away
my heart, still yearns for you
I had in your arms-
Life, Death and the Judgment Day
its the final midnight
the darkness pulls me
the glass slipper doesnt fit anymore, my love
this Cinderella was never meant to be
------
© 2008 by Chhaya. All rights reserved
PS: the image is googled
26 comments:
I think there is something missing in this poem, it seems kind of incomplete.
i dont know much about poems but the problem is i guess the title which creates a pre notion in the mind, as cindrella had an happy ending which clashes with your ending may b that might be the prob. but i m not sure.
thou i liked the last stanza
I am glad you smiled :)
Why do I always feel that your poems do not require any polishing? I just love them the way they are anyways, that's my opinion. I am just curious, have you ever considered getting them published?
@Rachna..
there was a time when i wanted to be published, then i wrote a full-length novel, and was paid for it. it wasnt aplesant exp. almost killed the souls of my characters.
so i better stay here. :)
thnx for liking the poem. i often promise, but never touch my poems.. lol... somehow, they feel sacred to me. the part of my heart that still beats.
The poem is definitely an alternative view of the "clock strikes midnight" used as metaphor for the point of break in a relationship. The idea is definitely good, though it took me a few readings to get the idea. However, once I got it, the unique was made that much better so I'm not sure if you need to rewrite or not.
@Quackster...
thank u :)
when i write a poem, its mostly like a conversation i have with my soul... so they may get confusing for my readers.. i m glad that it made sense to u :)
@ Maya....
i know what you mean by "incomplete".. i feel the same. i wrote this poem in 10 minutes flat which is not a good sign. but the title is exactly what i am trying to express... its Cinderella that was never "meant to be". An unfulfilled dream. a fairytale that cheats, a love that brings you out in open, makes you vulnerable.
i was wondering, what wud have happened if the Prince had sent her back. if he didnt want her anymore. wud she wait for him? how long wud she wait for him... and when she left, was there any chance that the Prince could ever have her back?
:)
now you are a wordsmith!
the breeze that made me shiver
or was it the fear in my heart?
I am fighting you - for you
too much, you really do have a way with words.
You should write some happy poems also you know.
@Venkie -
LOL... happy poem?? :D
may be, one day.. i need to feel something to be able to write it. "happiness" is elusive.
will try for sure, cz i love challenges.. the resulting poem may lack the soul though :)
and yeah, thank u for that praise. reminded me of someone v special
u r, as usual,...."The Best"...i donno wat to say, guess u know wat i wud say...The Cindrella is meant to be. But may be The Prince aint for her...
tc..
The Pilgrim...
@Pilgrim...
lol... that wud kill the poem.
ya true...but see on the brighter side. Cindrella wud hav been a happier soul...doesnt that matter???
it is about heart ache and pain... and loss of love... an ending... i like the allusion to the cinderella story u used - its creative... good job~
Chhaya this is very good poem, i like it so much. Congratulations
Keep writting :)
I'll use it on my blog http://smoothcoffeeandwarmthcandles.blogspot.com
Hope you don't mind
@ Shea - :D
good ol love. lol... the tyrant
Thanks for shareing a beautiful poem. As usual, this poem also has that mistique hidden message for the reader. Best regards.
i dont know if this is the right way but, i want to add you to my blog roll. can u plz add mine to your list? IGNORE this if you aren't interested!
AND this is a request. you are a creative person, can u plz review my blog. whether it is OK or NOT!! Real thanks. HAPPY NEW YEAr
wud u consider ads on ur blog? If it might be as big as ur clustrmap?!?
Very nicely scripted Poem...
Am just awestruck, thinking about this!!!
Wonderful!! Absolutely Wonderful!!!
Wishing you a very happy and prosperous New Year!!!!
Waiting eagerly for the next poem in queue...
:-)
wow this poem is flowing like river.. You too me to different world of Cinderella.. Awesome poem...
So 2009 hasnt seen any new poems from you....waiting....
Hmm, as I began to read this one, I got this instant feeling as if this was your draft.
You see, the lines seem disconnected. the feelings are there, but, it is not conveyed strong enough to aid your readers to feel the same. I mean, sure, I can feel you if I probe deeper. But, I don't think that should be needed for poems such as this one.
I like it! I think, you simply need to rearrange them, polish them and help them shine. No offence meant! You must have read the "About me" section in my blog. I just cannot help it.
Good luck!
@Brosreview -
Guilty as charged :)
this is incomplete and unpolished.. i never cud express it the way i wanted to..
and yeah.. please feel free to comment .. i dont feel offended when i read a constructive criticism :)
These lines come clearly from the soul. Telltale signs of it all the way. It's dark and agonizing, a feeling of never being able to continue with life peacefully. The lines suggest that you have been torn apart by many incidents in life, all of them painful. I see that you have tried hard to attain something, but the final destination has eluded you somehow, all the times.
@VPrabhu - its slightly more complicated than that :)
succintly put up......
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